Dear Papa Joy,
If sleep wasn’t chanced, if apples were not munched, if snooze was intruded, would you still be alive today?
Forgetting you has been an everyday battle yet it was in one way a truce of unceasing hopes. Your cardiac arrest during sleep was a terrible circumstance yet it was a placid manner of passing away. After three years, my heart has been restored but during these times, it’s more than inevitable not to reminisce what you’ve done and what you’ve said to me.
Me: I wish I could turn back time; when my best friend was my Mom and my only love was my dad, and everything can be held by candies and lollipops.
Dad: A father’s hand never let go of his daughter’s though his daughter let go of him. Tell me who broke my baby’s heart.
You could then see what I refused to perceive. With rebellious heart, I got my well-deserved upshot. However austere you had been, your soft spots were my power. In as much as you would like to defy your authority, your combat towards your rules has been stricken with compassion and embrace – pulling me again despite my disobedience. At the end of the day, you had always been my father.
“I told you to love me only but you still loved somebody else. Now you got your heart broken.”
Of course, that was figurative. Metaphors best probed and pricked a distressed core. You might not know this, when you said it at the right moment, it stuck like a lodestone and lodged like a hawk. The collapse of the headstrong was a broken pact – enunciated by the unworthy. Then again, your clutch was comfort and your presence, a security.
“You are not like anyone. You are tough. You are special. You are loved, even before you were born.”
Adamant to advices and daredevil to plights, I prized my self with trophies of challenges and mementos of struggles. The relics were not determined by the debut but the fruits of their pursuits. The surface revealed defeat but the crevices uncovered victory. My wounds healed like tonics for vampires. My scars were safe like boulders on a seaside. Your love is an outbreak. It scrapped the heartaches and cached happiness.
Pa, you are carried within. How could I not? My life is a testimony of a father’s great and unending love. Our memories are safe inside me, unbounded and everlasting.
If missing you is a crime, I plead guilty. If loving you is time, it is forever. When death has the might to kill a body, it also has the power to resurrect an endless soul.
Your prodigal daughter